Soulmates: Reality or Fantasy?

Everyone hears about finding your "soulmate" or having a "person" (which is the same thing from what it sounds), but are soulmates even a true compatibility anymore or has society just taught our generation that in order to be happy we must rely on someone else to bring that joy into our lives and continue to walk through life with them. This can be a very touchy subject for some, but it is one my biggest pet peeves. I am still young and there is so much for me to learn, but I have already learned more than I would have guessed at this age and have been taught things by my family growing up, as well.

What is a soulmate? A soulmate is the love of your life. Someone you can always turn to. Someone you can't live without, and if you do have to live without them, you always seem to have the exact same feeling every time their name is even mentioned. You are drawn to each other. You can sit in a silent room with each other and be more than content. You can be a crowded room and only feel like it's only the two of you. You can tell your deepest thoughts to and your biggest dreams. You can you, highs and lows. Someone you can spend every day for the rest of your life with and grow happier and more in love each day leading to that. The "movies" type situations that you always drooled over, but in real life.

As you guys have already learned, I was in a pretty major relationship for almost 4 years that I truly believed the guy was my "soulmate"... why did I think he was the "one"? Because it was there, it was safe. We grew up together since we were children, we had similar interests, we could be ourselves with not only each other but each other's families, we worked together, we went to school together, we came home together, we were always around. His laugh was my favorite sound. His eyes lit up the room. He was my backbone. He was my best friend. We were... us. You couldn't say one of our names without the other's following. I would have done anything for him, and still would, but growing up, things change... people change... situations change. We would fight like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day, our "love" couldn't tear us apart. We broke up 3 times, and for some reason, we always gravitated back towards each other.. fate? soulmates? comfort? love? I would have adored for this guy to be what people call their "soulmate" to live the rest of my life with like we had planned at this young age with the ring he gave me and all, but reality set in, and set in fast. College set in. We went to separate schools. Though we did try to make the distance work... we grew up, but we grew into totally different people than we were the year before when we were with each other. We found ourselves, but unfortunately we found ourselves away from each other. Now it's hard to see him as the same person I spent a big part of my life with. Losing him was one of the hardest things I'll ever have to deal with *hopefully, but losing him also taught me how to love myself. This is one thing I never knew how to do. This also taught me that "soulmates" don't have to be a necessity. I learned how to move forward and be happy doing it. To all of my friends who ask me for advice about their ex, or getting the person they want, or even just what they should do in a situation with their partner, this one is for you all...: Relationships are not a necessity. Love can happen, it probably will happen, but let it happen on it's own. If you want something/someone, sure, go for it! But if you get shut down, cool, at least you tried. If you get broken up with, move forward, they obviously left you for a reason for themselves, don't give them the benefit to come in and out of your life whenever they choose... they are going to move on and you're going to kick yourself for it, but it's truly nothing you can do about it, if you want it- go for it- try to get them back- but don't you dare let them control you whenever they feel the need. Don't continue to try to prove to them, they aren't listening. They will realize one day, and you won't be there... that's on them. They can't be worth that hurt to continue to drag yourself down just to get their attention. Karma will come if it is needed, let it take it's toll. Never talk badly about an ex, at one point they were your world, and deep down they still might be, but never disrespect them because they weren't the one for you. You don't have to be with someone in order to be happy, be happy with yourself. Trust me, it's possible. Our generation believes that you have to have someone by your side at all times in order to live life to the fullest or find the "one" as soon as you can. You don't. You can't. You shouldn't. You shouldn't have to depend solely on someone else for your life, and honestly, that is what so many people have be accustomed to do. Break this chain! Find something you love to do, be you/be that and focus on nothing but that. I always wonder if I will be able to find that type of love again that I described before, if I even wanted to, if I had such a strong love and it wasn't lasting- then what is in store?... and still debating it, I realized, I am in absolutely no rush to even try to find it. For some reason, people are confused by this. They don't understand what it is like to be alone because they have never done it, they won't do it. But for me, I have so many things I want to do in my life, that I want to see, that I want to accomplish, and yes I could do these things with a man by my side, but until God brings him to me, I can accomplish this by myself. I love being alone. You don't have rules or obligations. You learn so much about yourself, but also what else life offers. You get so hung up in someone that you don't realize what is actually going on inside or outside of the other person. Timing is a key factor... be patient. Be alone. Find happiness.

What is happiness? Happiness is something you throw yourself into, you lose yourself in, you find yourself in. The warm feeling in your heart. It could last for two seconds or 20+ years, it could be something silly like getting a new phone or it could be something major like landing your dream job. It could be the person you find in life, but you also have to know when to give/take that happiness or when to keep it for yourself alone. Ultimately, I feel as if "soulmates" are out there for every one, whether you are lucky enough to meet them, keep them, or even lose them, is the question. Be patient. Find yourself first. Learn about what you need in life and need in a partner... don't settle just because you feel like you have to. Society shouldn't tell you what you have to do in life or with someone. We are young! Live your life! Be alone while you can. I am stubborn enough to drag this out as long as I can, but only because I know my worth and will not settle for anything less than I want, need, or deserve... I am happy with myself and growing in myself because I finally learned how. Once you learn about yourself and how to love yourself, you won't even begin to think of a relationship either. Be confident, be patient, but be trusting. Go out and enjoy, but never lose sense of who you are. I believe in you!